That Pesky and Elusive Silver Lining

You know those moments that everything can't seem to go right? Those moments where you try every thing in your might but fail? Or those moments where someone just annoys you to high heaven? Where your kids cry their anthem of, "Mommy, mommy, mommy"? The moments where you feel emotional for no apparent reason at all? Kids act up in class? Your neighbors are blaring their soundtrack to life at 3am? Friends aren't answering your texts? Family is being temperamental? And all you want to do is for it to stop. Though sometimes it seems next to impossible. So what do we do?

One thing that helps me deal with it all is looking for the silver lining. It's a very simple concept but very complicated to execute.

Okay Makayla, then how do we look for the silver lining? I'm glad you asked.

1) Identify the problem.

Identifying the problem is probably the easiest step of all three. Usually the issue is staring us in the face and it's all we think about. Perhaps it causes you to be distracted. Maybe you loose sleep on it or have dreams about it. And maybe you start acting grumpy and you're not quite sure why. It could affect you numerous ways....and generally, for the worse.

2) Self-reflect and prepare mind

What are you feeling, why, and what is your mindset towards the situation?

The theory of a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset was created by Carol Dweck in her book titled, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Essentially, a fixed mindset will say, "Well, failed the test, I must be stupid." Whereas, a growth mindset would say, "Okay, I failed the test, I must study more or in a different way." According to, https://www.edglossary.org/growth-mindset/ (August 2013), "Students who embrace growth mindsets—the belief that they can learn more or become smarter if they work hard and persevere—may learn more, learn it more quickly, and view challenges and failures as opportunities to improve their learning and skills." Did you read that, view challenges and failures as opportunities. Whoa, what a paradigm shift.

Once you reflect and identify what you are feeling and why, you can now move on to step three.

3) Ask yourself any of the following questions

• How can I use this situation to learn something about myself and then change for the better?

• How can I use this opportunity and make the situation worthwhile/meaningful?

• How could this positively affect me?

• How will this make me stronger and better?

• How does this relate to my life purpose?

• Now that I have this, what else does this make possible?

• What can I learn from this?

• What idea does this give me?

• What is this an opportunity for?

• What is the hidden treasure inside this person that maybe others don't see?

• Where else can I use this?

• What potential, ability, and wisdom do I see in this person?

• Where is the gift in this?

• How can I use this situation to benefit others?

-Questions by Scott Ginsberg, author of HELLO, my name is Blog!

4) Letting that silver lining shape your thinking

Oooo boy. Undoubtedly, this is the hardest step. Sure, we can identify the problem and ask ourselves these questions but the true question remains, can we ACTUALLY change our attitude towards the problem? I will be the first to admit that this is the hardest step for me. Saying all the right words is great but putting them into action is completely different. Now you have to live it.

Ghandi used to say, " Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny."

What are your beliefs?

Disclaimer: Once you apply this approach, it will cause you to really search yourself in what is at the root cause of your feelings aka your beliefs. Those root causes might not even correlate with the situation but you're simply projecting them onto the situation without your knowledge.

For example:

Step 1) Identify Problem: My husband interrupts my T.V. show after a long day and I get irritated.

Step 2) Self-reflect and prepare mind: Why? Because he interrupted and it was getting good. No, no, no. That's not really why. Root cause? I have given everything to people at work that day with nothing in return. All I want to do is be left alone to charge (I'm an introvert). That signals me that I need "fill up" so I can continue giving. That is my belief.

Step 3) Asking self questions: I learned that my silver lining is that 1) I care about people and my job 2) I'm continuing learning boundaries within my job 3) It's causing me to learn how to balance work and family before my husband and I have kids and 4) My husband loves me enough to bother me to spend time with me 5) I can help others through the same situation.

Step 4) Shape thinking: Now that I know this, I need let it shape my thinking so I don't continue getting agitated when things such as this comes about but instead become thankful and have a gentle heart. How can I practice this practically? Now that I've identified the issue and thought of my silver linings and this happens again, I can immediately think of my silver linings and respond with grace. Awareness is key.

Remember, Step 4 is a process and you may have to do it for every situation but you are rewiring your brain to think positively and to have a growth mindset. Don't give up. No matter how long it takes, you can do this. We can do this.

Challenge: I challenge you to identify at least one problem that you faced so far this week. Get ready to have a growth mindset and take the above questions (Step 3) and answer them regarding your problem. You might not be able to answer right away and you might have to dig a little...and that's okay! Mull it over. Once you answer those questions, think about the silver linings and let it begin to shape your thinking. The more you put this into practice, the more easier it becomes and you start focusing on the positive rather than the negative. I can guarantee that you will be much happier and at peace. It'll do wonders for your relationships.

Good luck my friends! Hope this helps and it puts things into perspective. Let me know how it goes, I'd love to hear about it. I have just about as much work on this as you do (haha).

Stay tuned for more!

-xoxo